Disincentives...

Day 21

You never think about the disincentives to weight loss - and since I'm still only down about half a chin dimple I'm not exactly in a position to worry - however, I was travelling yesterday and was filling the time between transits with the type of web surfing I never otherwise have time for. So, one of the things I decided to do was look up inspiring weight loss stories. Never hurts to see the success of others eh? Wrongo!

I managed to stumble on the success stories of people who ended up having major surgery to cut away all the loose and hangey skin that is left when you lose mega pounds. That doesn't happen to people who have reasonable amounts to lose - but it does to people like me who are obese and past the age where the skin and muscle have any natural bounce left in them. Truly, this is not inspiring. This is one of those things I never needed to know. Now, I look at my slightly reduced chin dimple to see if there are new wrinkles around it that signify even further sag to my aging face.

I also checked to see if exercise helps at all, but couldn't find anything definitive on that one. I haven't been exercising anyway, other than some walking, but the fear level on this might spur me on!

I happened to see an old picture of myself - when I was about 19. I was very fit, healthy, active, pretty -  and that was no incentive either because when I emerge from this cocoon of fat, it will not be with my 19 year old body - it will still be my age - and that, friends, is no incentive at all!

Well, off to the office now. I think I'll take a few extra trips up and down the stairs to my office today, just to try to firm those leg muscles - any little bit of hope that I won't need to have my saggy skin cut off is worth it.

Hey there = you have your best day possible. I will too. 

This takes too long...

Day 14

I had intended to post more frequently than I have been able to do. Life just doesn't allot me enough hours in the day to get everything done. I'm sure your life is the same. 

So, here I am - two weeks into this, and I feel like I should be dozens of pounds lighter. Slow and sensible weight loss is a total pain. I've never been one for delayed gratification - I guess I wouldn't have so much of a weight issue if I was okay with that. But truly, the real challenge with weight loss is that there isn't any sign of it for so long. I'm aiming for a pound a week - at my weight that's hardly a dent in my chin dimple for the next few weeks. As well, I've chosen not to weigh myself because I know that's a set up for disaster for me.

This all means that I have to wait till my clothes are looser and I have to buy a smaller size. That could be months from now. Ohhh, what a pain. Still, I'm determined to succeed so I'll keep at it, but I feel like I should be awarded some "good girl" prize!

I've been doing okay on my calorie intake - I've been at the high end of where I want to be but still within goal on a daily basis. My challenge right now is my activity level, sure not doing enough. Again, lack of time. I sincerely want to get to the gym but some of the needs/demands of my adult children are eating up the time in which I'm not at work & of course there are still the younger children who need parenting and....and....and....

I know many would say that is just an excuse, but those of us who raised kids with extreme challenges know that the active part of parenting doesn't stop when they move out or attain some form of independence. They still have high needs that only we parents can meet, and, with one or two in crisis now they are taking up my time.

I'm not going to beat myself up or feel defeated. I will persevere, that's the one thing that all Hazardous Parents do so well - we persevere no matter what obstacles are presented. We just keep going.

Here's some interesting info on the relationship between blood sugar and stress - chronic stress can alter blood sugar levels which causes mood swings, fatigue, and hyperglycemia. Many of us also end up with metabolic syndrome which is an open door to Type 2 diabetes. Well, I got the metabolic syndrome and eventually the Type 2 diabetes - it runs in my family, even my skinny cousin has it, but the stress over the last few years sure didn't help.

Okay, back to work, back to counting my calories for the day, and back to finding some way to at least take a walk.

Chat later.

By the way, don't forget to check out the Hazardous Parenting facebook page, and, you can look me up on Youtube - I'm putting up a bunch of videos (4 so far, intending on 100) that have to do with stress management. I truly believe that if I'd managed my stress over the last few years I wouldn't need to do a weight loss blog now - instead, I could do a blog that was all about bragging about my magnificent body and super health. True, I wouldn't have bragged about that (at least not publicly), but I would have preferred to be in a position where I could help people by my positive example instead of my failure. Ah well, that's the way it goes in the Hazardous Parenting lane. 

Driving...thinking...not thinking right...

Day 8

The drive yesterday was wonderful - 11 hours long but lovely weather, hardly any traffic - it felt like I was the only person in the world and for me, who lives with a large family (including one who rages hourly and one sporadic rager) the feeling of being alone was wonderful. Normally when I travel I am on a plane surrounded by people and their busy-ness. I can't recall the last time I spent 11 hours on my own - I can't even recall the last time I spent one hour on my own.

So, being on my own meant I had to plan my thinking. I know that sounds weird, but without some planning I am bound to ruminate - and that leads to a cortisol overload which leads to increased belly fat (as if I could squeeze more into my body - nope, don't think so!). One of my thinking plans involved creating the topics and general direction of my soon to be Hazardous Parenting Blog Talk Radio show. Well, that didn't go so well - my mind kept running from that topic like a teen from a chore list. I just can't seem to get a mental grip on this one - if you have any ideas or suggestions of what you would like to hear on this, or how you would like to participate, don't hesitate to drop me a line brendamccreight@gmail.com Clearly I need some help.

Eating on this trip wasn't easy or positive. I mostly just bought food from service stations because I didn't see a restaurant worth stopping for. That meant I bought those plastic containers of fruits and vegetables which weren't too bad, but it also meant items that the rest of my food was too carb heavy and too light on protein. Why does every bought sandwich have to have ham in it? Ever since I found out that pigs can learn to dance - well, that is  way toooooo sentient for me - and that means I won't eat anything that came from a piggy (I picture them in tutu's - dancing their little hearts out till the axe falls...ugggg). So my food choices excluded the wrapped sandwiches and that left mostly muffins  =  carbs, sugar, fat, and calories.

I'm not going to beat myself up over this because one day won't wreck my life and now I've learned to buy a cooler and fill it ahead of time for any future driving trips. I'm happy, too, that I was aware of what I was buying and even if my choices were limited and not so good, I was able to ensure that I had the fruit and vegetables.

Today I've done well. I'm trying to be aware of my food choices without being obsessed. Not something I've achieved in the past but here's hoping for success now.

Okay - off to work. Remember, you are always entitled to a better day.
Don't forget to check out the Hazardous Parenting facebook page for tips on how to thrive despite the stress in your life. 

And, if you have time, have a look at the Hazardous Parenting web site for more info on self care for parents.

Driving, ruminating, and Elton John...

Day 6

In the past, my attempts at health have often been overwhelmed by travelling. I don't do a lot of that anymore - thank goodness for webinars and other things that mean I can still do presentations but I don't have to leave home. I would get into a good eating pattern but then one airport after another, one plane meal after another, one hotel meal after another, and I would be back to too many carbs and too much fat, too much sitting and not documenting the calories.

Anyway, tomorrow I leave home at 5 a.m. for a trip - driving for eleven hours followed by hotel life for a couple of days, then another eleven hour drive home. So, this time, I'm planning ahead. I know some of the problems will be that I will be travelling through small towns where it's hard to get a healthy meal (truly - have you ever seen the salads they tend to serve at the only diner in a teeny tiny town?). I suppose I could pack a cooler ahead of time, and I will next time but didn't think of it till now so no cooler, no time to get one.

The other problem is that there is no way to get exercise or activity. Jogging in place beside the car doesn't work for me. In fact jogging anywhere in the world doesn't work for me. I'm going to a very small town and I checked out the hotel and it doesn't have an exercise room, as if I could, at my weight and age, do any exercising after all those hours in the car. I'll be lucky if I can still walk.

I do, however, intend to some positive things while driving. I will tap (check out eft tapping if that isn't familiar to you) about letting go of stress and that will help with the weight. I will pray about my stress and just about everything else in my life that needs praying about, and I will eat the best I can and will document it all in Spark People so that I don't get out of what is beginning to be a good habit. I will also wiggle a bit more in my car seat because every movement helps, and I'll do my best not to ruminate and add to my cortisol load.

I don't know about you (obviously) but I do indeed tend to ruminate while driving - and that is such a deadly thing to do. Not only does it raise the cortisol level, but its all about focusing on the negative and has nothing to do with problem solving, or with creative thinking, or with anything at all that's healthy. Well, when I find myself ruminating I'll tap for a bit then I'll crank up the Elton John cd's and that will be bring me back to a positive mental state - or at least as near to one as I ever get.

How do you manage healthy eating when you're travelling? Love some suggestions.

So friends, have your best day possible today.
Chat later...

Fat magnet...

Day 5

I've been reading a lot of weight loss success stories lately. I was hoping it would help motivate me because it seems that looking awful and having health problems isn't adequate. Anyway, the thing that bugs me about these is that so many of the successful weight loss people talk about how, once the motivation clicked in, or, they found the right eating plan, or, they resolved their childhood issues, or....fill in the blank.... the weight just dropped off.

Really?! Well, the fat has never just dropped off of me no matter what I've done. I'm sure that I have some kind of fat magnet in my body that attracts weight from afar. I can picture the magnet pulling fat toward me .... it's dragged across arid deserts, up craggy mountains, and it must navigate the tides to reach me. 

Okay, so you can tell I'm moving toward the end of my first week. Five days of dieting and I'm not totally thin!!!!  We had yet another birthday party yesterday for one of my adult children - we still do the birthday parties for most of our kids - those who are grown and those still growing. We have the biggest house so it holds the most people and I think they all just assume that mom will do the party. I'm fine with that - we endured some harsh years with some of the now grown adults and knowing they want to hang out at my house and spend a special day with their sibs and families is a total reward. No complaining on my part - but it does mean week after week of very festive menus, lots of cooking, and of course, lots of snackable appetizers as well as cake and ice cream.

I easily  avoid the high calories foods, the cake and ice cream aren't what made me fat. It was my lack of stress management combined with my perceived inability to take care of myself.

So, as I cleaned and cooked and cleaned and cooked on the weekend, I paid a bit of attention to my eating, and I paid a lot of attention to my activity level. I made sure I moved more than usual - stood when I could have sat, danced around when I could have walked like a normal person, and just generally kept my body in a "go" status the whole two days.

When things got stressful with my not-so-littles (these guys can rage like nothing I've ever seen before), I made sure my breathing was good so that the oxygen had a chance to dissipate the cortisol; and, I made sure I had 7 hours of sleep last night to keep that cortisol in balance.

Okay - the weight isn't falling off me - I guess at day 5 there isn't going to be a miracle, is there. However, I feel good, I feel happy with myself, and I think the neurons in my hippocampus are doing the happy dance.

I hope you are taking care of your stress.
Don't forget, I put a tip a day for stress management on my Hazardous Parenting facebook page. I hope you can use some of those.

Chat later....

Bathing suit saga...

Day 3

I've been swimming all my life - not just since I decided to get serious about my health. So, I was swimming the other day and when I got out of the pool I realized my bathing suit had worn to the point that it was virtually see through in places. I wonder if that's why there is hardly ever anyone in the pool when I am there. Do you think I scared them off? I have to admit that getting a glimpse of me through the suit could alarm the faint of heart.

So, as you know from yesterday's post, I ordered one online and that was a disaster. I then went shopping and that was a also a disaster. What is it with bathing suit makers? Don't they think that being fat is enough? Do they really think that fat women want to look as ugly as possible? I mean really - every bathing suit I find is black with either some barf green or some eggplant purple pattern. It's not as if wearing black is going to prevent people from noticing me. A new trend this year seems to be that all the fat lady bathing suits have these weird little skirts attached, kind of like bathing suits from the early part of the last century. Oh really - is that supposed to protect the public from the site of my abundant thighs? Don't think so.

Anyway, I'll have to forgot swimming for a couple of weeks because family stuff and work deny me the time to do more shopping.

Again, I had a good calorie count yesterday. I use Spark Peopleto chart my intake and my activity level. If I don't record everything I eat then I tend to nibble a bit here and a bit there and by bedtime it adds up way toooo high.

Yup, things are going okay but it's early days in this process. I'd love to hear how and what you are doing.

Remember - you are entitled to a better day.

Raging, cortisol, and just another day in the life...

I'm writing this with two of my ragers yelling their substantial sets of lungs out at me (one is wearing the shirt of the other and both want me to punish/kill the other).  Over the years I've become highly skilled at just getting on with the day as they scream around me. Too bad that isn't a skill that is useful anywhere else in my life!

 It also makes me so highly aware of how hard it is for me to lose weight because ( warning - if you get bored by explanations then skip this part) my cortisol levels rise when  the screaming starts, its an automatic physiological response. Here's how it works -when the body/brain is under chronic stress it produces an abnormally high amount of cortisol - more than it can process. And, the process is disrupted so that instead of having more cortisol in the morning when it's supposed to be there for energy, you have more at night; and, this slows the metabolism of carbohydrates and fats. Cortisol does a couple of other things too. It helps the body release insulin which can lead to an appetite increase; and, it increases blood sugar so even when the stressor has stopped, the excess glucose that was produced gets stored as fat and, worse yet, it tends to get stored as abdominal fat. 

I'm sure I gained ten pounds from the screaming this morning!

In case you're wondering, I'm not making excuses for my fatness, I just like to understand how it all goes together so I can plan the best way back to health  - this is my life and I have to adjust my stress management to my benefit- to my survival.

I did fine with eating yesterday - low calories count and nothing unhealthy.It was easy to do, the first day of any health plan is always easy. I didn't get any exercise though. The first time I went to the gym to swim I found they had changed the schedule so the pool was being used for a seniors aqua fit - I was so grateful they wouldn't let me in!!!! Then I went back later and discovered that the new bathing suit I bought online was definitely made on Mars by teeny tiny little Martians because while the size on the label was the right number, I couldn't even squeeze it up past my butt.

I know I can do 20 other things for my daily activity, but I only like swimming and if I start to force myself into activities I hate, well, we all know where that ends.

So, off to my second day of health.

What are you doing for exercise? Do you have an eating plan you want to share? Love to hear from you. I need all the support I can get.