Transitions...

I've recently realized that my life is in the midst of an abrupt transition. All of a sudden, we no longer need our van because the 4 younger teens are too busy with sports, work, peers, and school for all of us to be doing anymore family outings with everyone. Just a few years ago we had a 15 passenger van that could barely hold us all, and now I am in the process of selling my 7 passenger van and buying a regular sized car. In some ways it seems like getting to this stage has take a thousand years, and in other ways its only been a blink of an eye. 

I still have two of my grown up kids living at home and they likely will be for the next few years, and my 5 teens are planning to live at home after graduation while they attend college so it's not an empty nest - the house is still full and lively and busy. And, my 14 and 15 & 16 year olds are pot smoking, foul mouthed and just generally ill behaved, so I continue to face the daily challenges of a Hazardous Family. But, the years when we were mostly all together and so many were dependent on me for so much of their day - well, those years are over. 

Like most of you, I still provide help for several of my grown and (semi) independent children as they continue to face the challenges of navigating life through the lens of F.A.S.D. and the never fully repaired damage caused by their early years of neglect and abuse.  There are still huge problems to be dealt with on occasion and the worry never will end, but it's different than it was when they were growing up. They are adults and I can help when possible but I don't enable and I am no longer responsible. 

I don't think I'm experiencing nostalgia for the big van years - I doubt if many parents in Hazardous Families experience any yearning for the past - but I am strongly aware that my life is changing and I can begin looking ahead and planning for a shift in focus. Having the time to go swimming every morning was a first step in this transition, and the smaller car is yet another. It will be interesting to see what comes next. 

And in case you are wondering - I am maintaining my swimming schedule. No weight loss yet but I've sure noticed a huge improvement in my strength and my agility. I feel better than I have in years, and I think its a combination of the daily swimming and the reduced number of people in my house. 

So, I hope you remember that you are entitled to a better day, and that you strive to have that day. 

In the meantime - here's a nice recipe for a healthy muffin to eat on a busy morning. Ginger is my all time favorite taste - I love it more than anything - and so this a real treat for me to have after swimming. 

From http://www.veganbaking.net/

Vegan Ginger Pear Muffin Recipe

1 ¼ cups pear puree (about 2 ½ medium sized pears)
¾ cup sugar
½ cup vegetable oil
2 Tablespoons non-dairy milk
1 Tablespoon ginger
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
3 Tablespoons Egg Replacer Powder
1 cup diced pear, peeled (about 1 medium sized pear)
1 teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 ¼ cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon non-aluminum baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1) Prepare the pear purée and blend it with the flavor building ingredients
Preheat oven to 325F (163C). Peel and core about 2 ½ medium sized pears and blend or process into 1 ¼ cup of pear purée. After 1 ¼ cup of puree has been measured, save the excess for another use before adding the measured amount back to the food processor or blender. Add the sugar, vegetable oil, non-dairy milk, ginger, lemon juice and salt and process until smooth. Add the Eggless Binder Powder and and process until smooth.    2) Prepare the spiced, diced pears
In a small bowl, hand mix together 1 cup diced pear with 1 teaspoon sugar, ½ teaspoon cinnamon and ½ teaspoon nutmeg. Stir this with a spoon, making sure all the diced pear pieces are evenly covered. Set aside.3) Whisk together the dry ingredients
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the whole wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder and baking soda.  4) Mix the batter
Pour the wet ingredients into the bowl containing the dry ingredients and mix until just incorporated. Stir the diced pear mixture into the dough.
5) Bake to perfection
To make muffins
Line a muffin pan with cupcake liners.  Pour the batter into the muffin pan making sure the dough is filled up to the top of the pan and domed. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.Store in a covered container or plastic freezer bag in the refrigerator for up to 1 week or the freezer for up to 6 months. This recipe makes one loaf or 6 to 8 Vegan Ginger Pear Muffins.

Getting through summer...one swim at a time...

Well I'm actually feeling really good about myself (at least in terms of exercise). I've not missed a day of my swimming commitment and it's starting to feel like a routine that I don't want to mess up. I don't see any loss of fat on myself, but I sure do notice that my body is stronger and functioning much better overall. 

Can't say that my mood is any better - this is not a good summer - teens acting out in fearsome ways that can only be endured. However, I chose to put a lot of my focus on two of my grown ups who are living at home again and who remind me that despite having given us some terrible summers in their hey day - they are doing great now. So, just as I tread water at the pool when I've swum one length more than my body could do, I need to tread the emotional waters (or tsunamis) at home while I get through these long and conflict heavy days. 

School starts in a month and some external structures will help reduce the stress of my weird family life- and since I now live by the words of Dory - I will just keep swimming - at the pool and at home.

Hope your summer is going well - remember, you are entitled to a better day. 

And, here's a super summer recipe to make from pears - I love pears - one of my very favorite fruits. Best to eat them fresh of course, but for a treat - this is great. 

From Author: Susan Voisin, FatFree Vegan Kitchen   http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2015/12/pear-spice-upside-down-cake.html

 Pear Spice Upside-Down Cake

 

Prep time

30 mins

Cook time

40 mins

Total time

1 hour 10 mins

 

You will not believe that this richly spiced cake has no oil or nuts and is sweetened only with maple syrup. Since good maple syrup is expensive, feel free to replace part of it with agave nectar or your favorite liquid sweetener.

Serves: 8

Ingredients

Dry:

• 1 1/2 cups white whole wheat flour or whole wheat pastry flour
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

Pears:

• 3 large pears 
• 2 tablespoons water
• applesauce (if necessary)

Liquid:

• 3/4 cup maple syrup or combination of agave and maple syrup (divided)
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350. Line the bottom of a 9-inch round non-stick baking pan with parchment paper cut to fit.
2. In a medium mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients and stir well. Set aside.
3. Peel the pears. Cut one of them into thin slices about 1/4-inch thick (avoiding the core). Chop the other two into large chunks (again, no core).
4. Arrange the sliced pear in the prepared pan in any design you wish. Don't worry about using all the slices--just as many as will fit or fit your idea of the design. Pour 1/4 cup of the maple syrup over the pears. Reserve the rest.
5. Put the extra slices and the pear chunks into the blender with 2 tablespoons water. Blend, stopping if necessary to push down any stray pears, until it's about the consistency of applesauce.
6. Measure out 1 2/3 cups of the pear sauce. Reserve any extra for another use (it's good on a fruit salad or in a smoothie). If there's not enough, add applesauce until you have 1 2/3 cups.
7. Make a well in the dry ingredients and pour in the 1 2/3 cups of pear sauce. Add the remaining 1/2 cup of maple syrup and the other liquid ingredients. Stir until combined but don't over-stir. Carefully spoon the batter over the pears so that you don't move them and change the design.
8. Bake for 35-45 minutes, testing by inserting a toothpick in the middle. It's ready when the toothpick comes out clean.
9. 
   

   Peeling back the parchment
10. Run a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen any stuck on parts of the cake. Place a serving dish over it and invert. Tap lightly to dislodge the cake from the pan. Loosen all the edges of the parchment paper and then slowly peel it back, using a knife or your fingers to push back into place any pieces of pear that want to stick to it. If there is glaze left on the paper, scrape it off with a knife and smooth it onto the cake.
11. Allow to cool. Cut into 8 slices and enjoy

One week down, a few thousand to go...

So, I've completed 6 days of swimming and 6 days of keeping a food log. I've also downloaded a vegan meal planner that is pretty easy to follow. For me, this is long past worrying about my weight - its about taking care of myself. I feel so good after I swim and I love being immersed in the water with no one talking to me and no one around me swearing or fighting or asking me for money or a ride. Truly, the best part of my day is in the pool. That may sound pathetic, but with 5 emotionally dysregulated teens in the house, a few of my grown up kids struggling, and a summer that is waayy too long, you can imagine how important it is for me to do some self - care. 

Swimming and healthy eating also make me feel as if I have some control over something in my life. I'm not much of a control person, but it's taken me years and years of Hazardous Parenting to realize that I had to take control of my self-care. I don't think I was a martyr all the years I neglected myself - I didn't feel like I was sacrificing "me" for my kids. Its just that I let it all sort of slip away in the stress and unpredictability that is part of having a large family of chronic conflict kids. I got lost in there, and although I don't like to assign blame, I have to acknowledge that this was own fault. 

I'm sorry that I let that happen because I believe I could have been a better parent if I'd taken better care of myself. I know that if I knew then what I know now about stress management and self - care that there are events and episodes and relationships that I could have handled so much better. 

I'm not dwelling in regret here, I'm only reflecting on what I could have done differently and what I have learned from that. So, another week awaits and I expect it to be filled with things that are odd, unpredictable, loud, sad, and a bit of happy. I also expect it to be filled with my continued self-care. 

Hey, take care of yourselves. 

I swim early in the morning on my way to the office so I am always looking for an easy *eat at my desk* breakfast and this is a great one. 

 Recipe by Madhuram's Eggless Cooking at http://www.egglesscooking.com/vegan­blueberry­muffins­2



Vegan Whole Wheat Blueberry Muffins Recipe

Prep time: 15 Mins 
Cook time: 20 Mins 
Yields: 10 muffins 

INGREDIENTS 

1/4 cup Ground Flaxseed 
1 and 3/4 cups Whole Wheat Pastry Flour 
1 and 1/2 teaspoons Baking Soda 
1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon 
1/4 teaspoon Salt 
1 cup Almond Milk 
1 tablespoon Apple Cider Vinegar 
1/4 cup Vegetable Oil 1/2 cup Maple Syrup 
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract 2 teaspoons Orange Zest 
1 and 1/2 cups Blueberries (fresh or frozen) 

INSTRUCTIONS 
 Preheat oven to 375F/190C for 15 minutes. 
1. Line a muffin tin with paper liners and grease it well with non stick cooking spray.
 2. Mix together the almond milk and vinegar; set aside. 
3. In a large bowl combine together the ground flax seed, flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.
 4. In a medium bowl, whisk together the maple syrup, oil, milk mixture, vanilla extract and orange zest. 
5. Make a well in the dry ingredients and stir in the wet ingredients with a rubber spatula until just moistened. Fold in blueberries. 
6. Scoop the batter into the prepared muffin cups; about 3 tablespoons in each. Sprinkle the tops with sugar. 
7. Bake the muffins until the tops are golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center of the muffins comes out clean which is about 15­ to 20 minutes. . 
8. Transfer the tin to a cooling rack and leave it there for 5 minutes. Then remove the muffins out of the tin and let it cool completely. 

Chef's notes:
1. If you are not able to find whole wheat pastry flour, then you can use 1 cup of whole wheat flour and 3/4th cup of all purpose flour as mentioned in the original recipe. 
2. If using frozen blueberries, do no thaw it because it will bleed. 
3. You could use any non dairy milk instead of almond milk. 
4. If you are a spice fan you can use up to a teaspoon of cinnamon. 

Back again for the umpteenth time....

I don't know why I keep this blog going - writing on it once every year isn't exactly worth anyone's time to read it and not even my time to write. it. Ah well, it seems I am stubborn on this - I have some weird need to keep posting about my failure to take care of myself and lose weight. Uggg. How embarrassing.

At this point, I haven't lost any weight but I have shed seriously huge amounts of muscle tone and self-respect. I was swimming regularly but not daily until I recently challenged myself to get to that pool every day of the week except Sunday (can't go Sunday's because the only time they have lane swimming is during church and I really need to go to church) and so far so good.

I am being proactive about my food for the week and baking healthy muffins to have for breakfast at the office between my swim and my first client. I am also getting more organized about getting a healthy lunch made. It's hard though, and that isn't an excuse - I leave the house at 6:45 a.m. to go to the pool and to work from there. I normally get home about 6 or 7, and then have teen to pick up from their activities, and then I need to actually have some interaction with my kids, and by then it's 10 and I just don't feel like making what I should make for the next day. I know this is the same issue for many of you, and you likely manage it better than I.

Added to that, I'm feeling stressed because the bmother of my 5 youngest has returned to their lives. She hasn't had any communication with me and seems unwilling to do so, but she is seeing each of them regularly. I wouldn't mind except she isn't healthy and she's quite full of untruths. She also has a sweet new baby to entice them for visits which again I wouldn't mind but I'm not sure how safe she is. For those of you who don't know - we have had an ongoing relationship with other members of the bfamily since their placement 12 years ago. The grandparents have had every Easter and Thanksgiving, as well as birthday dinners at our home, and they have had any other visits or contact they wanted, as have aunts, cousins etc. Bmom just ignored my kids till her most recent baby and now she has parachuted  right into their lives when we are going through the chronic conflict bumps and lumps of adolescents with f.a.s.d. and emotional dysregulation.  I guess I can either sink with this, or I can swim more in order to get the stress hormones out of my body and not add more fat. As Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."



This is a fabulous sandwich recipe I found online in Real Simple. I'm not sure about the calories but if you are eating plant based and using plain food then it shouldn't be too bad.

FOOD/RECIPES

Smashed White Bean and Avocado Club

• August 2006

INGREDIENTS

1. 215-ounce cans white beans, rinsed and drained
2. 2tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3. 1/2teaspoon kosher salt
4. 1/4teaspoon black pepper
5. 12slices multigrain bread
6. 1small red onion, thinly sliced
7. 1cucumber, preferably hothouse (seedless), thinly sliced (peeled, if desired)
8. 14- to 5-ounce container sprouts (such as alfalfa, radish, broccoli, or a combination)
9. 2avocados, pitted and thinly sliced

DIRECTIONS

1. In a medium bowl, combine the beans, oil, salt, and pepper. Roughly mash the mixture with the back of a fork.
2. Place 8 of the bread slices on a work surface. Divide the mashed beans among them. Top with the onion, cucumber, sprouts, and avocado.
3. Stack the open-faced sandwiches on top of one another, avocado-side up, to make 4 double-decker sandwiches. Top with the remaining 4 slices of bread.
4. Slice each sandwich in half, if desired, and serve.

By Kate Merker

Scheduling me

Now that I've discovered my wonderful salt water swimming pool I am eager to get there on a regular basis, but my family isn't as eager for me to have any time to myself. And that's fair - I still have 5 teens at home and they have sports activities and jobs; and, since they're not yet driving, I'm the chauffeur. I don't mind that, but it sure gets in the way of fitting in that weekend swim time along with house cleaning, laundry, dog walking, banking, and all the other stuff that all working parents have to fit into those two days a week.

What's new about that? Well, I've set some limits - either they let me know ahead of time so I can work out my swim time, or there won't be a ride. I know that to some of you that sounds simple to do - but my teens have emotional dysregulation and we live a life of chronic conflict, so anytime they don't get to have things their way, the raging begins. Like many Hazardous Parents, I so desperately want to support anything they do that is healthy, and I also don't want to provoke a rage, that I put my needs at the bottom of the pile and watch weekend after weekend float by without me doing anything healthy for myself.

Well, my littles are now not- so -littles and I feel I can let them rage without worrying about the damage their tempers do to those who are either the targets (usually me) or the observers. So, I have become the Queen of Disengagers. I practice what I preach in my 4 Step C.A.R.E. Method book and as soon the rage begins, I take an emotional step out and start packing my bathing suit and they can walk, take a bus, or ride the flames of their rage to wherever they have to go - I'll be at the pool.

So, if you have the time or the inclination, please check out my Hazardous Parenting facebook page, or my new blog.

Hey, remember my friends, you are entitled to a better day.

And, here's a great recipe for a pre- swim snack that won't add too many calories but will provide some energy. I got this from the No Meat Athlete  I get a lot of recipes from this site and they are great. This one takes a bit more work than the simple recipes I usually use but I make a lot at once and freeze them so its worth the time and number of ingredients.

The “dry” Ingredients:
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2/3 cup oats
1 cup Grape Nuts cereal
3/4 cup raisins 
1 cup shredded coconut 
1/3 cup unsalted almonds, chopped
1/3 cup unsalted cashews, chopped
1 cinnamon stick, ground (or 2 tsp ground, but I totally recommend the taste of freshly ground!)

The “wet” ingredients:
2 tbs flax seed
1/4 cup warm water
1 1/2 cups cooked Great Northern Beans (or 1 15 oz can)
15 dates, seeds removed and chopped (about 1 cup or 1/2 a lb)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbs honey
1 tbs canola oil
1/2 cup applesauce

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

- See more at: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/homemade-energy-bars/#sthash.No5tKYcF.dpuf

I'm back...

So where have I been for the last year, you ask? Well, I've moved to a new town, set up a new practice, survived my teens' threats to destroy my life for taking them away from their friends, etc. We bought a great house, the teens are doing way better in their new school and have made lots of friends. I've found an office and I'm starting to network with other therapists and other writers in my new community. I don't think the dogs are as happy because our new house has a much smaller yard, but they aren't as young as they used to be so they seem okay with 3 leashed walks a day. I'm managing to swim about 3 days a week - there's a great salt water pool not far from my house and I love it. So much nicer than swimming in chlorine. 

And what about my weight - well, I'm still fat. Maybe I should call this a weight maintenance blog. Some people have asked why I blog about weight at all - well, it's because I view it as a symptom of my life stress, of being a Hazardous Parent. Nope, I'm not blaming my kids, I'll take responsibility for how I handle stress, but I know its a problem with many HPs, and its another way I can share our common struggles in the life we have chosen. 

On to food - well, as I said, I'm still fat. I'm not managing to be vegan often either because my spouse does the cooking and its too hard to cook for picky and unappreciative teens and then add a vegan menu to the mix. I still refrain from meat though, and I can manage vegan on weekends when I cook for myself so I'll keep showing great vegan recipes here. 

Hey, I'm putting a plug in here for my newest book. You can order it from Amazon. Its the book I wish I'd read or written 20 years ago. 

And here's a great recipe from one of my favorite vegan bloggers   Susan Voisin, FatFree Vegan Kitchen http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/  She has great recipes and tips and the food is scrumptious. I add a mixed veggie salad to this recipe and its scrumptious and really hits the spot when you need some comfort food. 

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup chickpeas, canned or home cooked with liquid
• 3/4 cup almond milk or other non-dairy milk, plain and unsweetened
• 1/4 cup nutritional yeast
• 1 large garlic clove
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon fresh chives, snipped
• 2 pounds potatoes, Yukon gold or red
• additional snipped chives, for garnish

Instructions

1. Open a can of chickpeas. Pour the liquid into a 2-cup measuring cup and add enough non-dairy milk to reach the 1 1/2 cup mark. (If using home-cooked chickpeas, use 3/4 cup cooking liquid.) Pour into blender. Add 3/4 cup of chickpeas, nutritional yeast, garlic, salt, turmeric, and pepper. Blend on high speed until completely smooth. Add the chives without blending and set aside.
2. Preheat oven to 400F and lightly oil a medium-sized casserole dish. (The oil prevents sticking; leave it out at your own risk.)
3. Wash the potatoes and peel them if you like. Slice them about 1/4-inch thick. Place about a third of them overlapping to cover the bottom of the dish. Pour about 1/2 cup of the sauce over them. Add another layer and cover with another 1/2 cup of sauce. Repeat with remaining potatoes and sauce.
4. Cover tightly with foil and bake for 45 minutes. Remove foil and bake for another 15-25 minutes, or until the potatoes are fork tender. If the top starts to brown too much, loosely cover with foil until potatoes are done.
5. Sprinkle with additional chives and serve hot.