You know, I started this blog because I realized that I am not alone in the fat department among Hazardous Parents, and there is plenty of research to show that stress and obesity are strongly linked. I'm not using that as an excuse, I don't have it, it's true. So, managing my stress is #1, and I'm doing that much better. Still, the fat is here like it's glued on with super glue and won't let go.
Also, it dawned on me that even though I am much improved at managing my stress, I still have stress. I can't do anything about that. I have children at home with severe emotional dysregulation. Some are ragers, all are yellers, a couple love to throw those foul words around, and man oh man can they fight with each other. Others are now grown and are a delight to be with, but you don't outgrow f.a.s.d. or the other challenges so they have struggles in their lives that I worry about. While I manage the after effects of cortisol, I still have to endure the events that create it's overload. Well, you know me, I always have to find a solution, so my current project is that I am getting better at how I engage in the conflict and to that end I am taking conflict coaching training and will adapt that to Hazardous Parenting.
I know that if you are an adoptive parent you will have been fed the myth that if junior develops a secure attachment, then all will be well. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that won't happen. Secure attachment doesn't cure f.a.s.d., or a.d.h.d, or conduct disorder, or temper dysregulation disorder, or any of the behaviour disorders from which our children so often suffer. And, being a therapist for 30 years, I know that resolving the trauma and the subsequent brain altering that happens from early neglect and abuse takes years, not months, and that the experience of early abandonment will override everything for years, if not a lifetime.
In the meantime, this all gets acted out as conflict with you, the parent. I'm hoping that my new training will be a real in-road on my own healing process and give me some more tools to get through the day without being overloaded with fat producing cortisol. I'll keep you up to do date in my process.
I'm off to start my day with a lovely vegan bread, toasted, and a mix of something that claims to be coconut and organic peanuts. Mmmm.....sounds a bit risky to me but we'll see.
Hey friends, you are entitled to a better day.
Check out my other blog at http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com and my Hazardous Parent facebook page and my Youtube videos if you want more ways to cope with the Hazardous Parenting lifestyle.
Here's a recipe from Mark Bitman for pancakes - don't have time to make them myself this morning but they look yummy.
Toasted Coconut Pancakes
Makes 10-12 pancakes (*I need to x 4 that for my household*)
Heat oven to 250°F. Toast ½ cup shredded unsweetened coconut in medium skillet over medium heat, shaking pan frequently, until golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes.
Whisk together 1 cup whole wheat flour, 1 tsp baking powder, ½ tsp each salt and cinnamon, ¼ tsp nutmeg, and ⅛ tsp baking soda in bowl. In another bowl, whisk together ¾ cup light coconut milk, ½ cup warm water, 1½ Tbsp honey, and 2 tsp pure vanilla extract. Stir into dry ingredients along with toasted coconut to form thin batter.
Heat skillet with 1½ tsp vegetable oil (or use a griddle). For each pancake, pour ¼ cup batter and spread with back of spoon until 4" in diameter. Cook until bubbles form, 2 to 3 minutes. Flip, cook 1 to 2 minutes, and transfer to oven to keep warm. Serve with fresh fruit and lime.
NUTRITION (for 3 pancakes) 294 cal, 5 g pro, 33 g carb, 5 g fiber, 8 g sugars, 16 g fat, 9 g sat fat, 447 mg sodium