Better days...

I haven't noticed any change in how my clothes fit, but my goodness, I have certainly notice a change in my energy levels and in my mood and my appetite has decreased (YAY!). I feel downright perky lately and my mood is much better despite some really difficult life challenges that are going on now.

The only things I am doing differently are the Qi Gung exercises and the Gabriel meditations. I rarely stay awake for the entire meditation because the minute I totally relax I fall asleep - I'm sure you can understand that! However, I assume my brain is still listening and something is getting absorbed. I also don't do much with the Qi Gung but it's made a difference in my posture all day long which, of course, increases the amount of stress reducing oxygen that my poor over cortisoled brain receives. I think I'm going to take training in QG if I ever have the time because it's the only method of that type of exercise that I've ever been able to do (other than swimming) without screaming from boredom.

With my new found energy and perkiness, I decided to take my closet extender and put it into the family room in front of the tv - so now instead of sitting on the couch I sit on the closet extender and push those pedals till my legs get tired, then I rest, then I pedal, then I rest... you get the idea.

I've also noticed that I'm crying more about my mom. She has Alzheimers (despite living the kind of life all the experts say will *prevent* the disease), and she suffers greatly because what little is left of her mind is the  anxiety section, and she suffers with that day and night without remission. I was heartbroken over this but coping, and now I just cry a lot. I think that is better than what I was doing - maybe not.

A number of people have asked me if I practice the stress reduction techniques I post on my Hazardous Parenting facebook page. Yes, I do. I can't do them all every day but I do some more than once a day and for situations or events for which they are most effective. My goal is post 1,000 stress reduction tips. If you have any you would like to send to me, I'd be happy to post them and note that they are from you. It's great when we can help each other. 

So, onward and upward, I hope, with the Gabriel meditations and the Qi Gong, and hopefully there will soon be a need for a smaller size clothing!

Have your best day possible!

Now I'm meditating the fat away....

Day

I've determined to get my focus off the weight and onto my body in a more holistic manner - I mean, I'm totally aware of my fatness, and I'm not psychologically cut off at the neck. I haven't been abused so I don't have the body related issues that go with that kind of trauma, and I do recall the days when I gloried in my figure and felt vibrant health. I also make it a point to walk my talk, and, as you may know, I practice eft tapping both in my clinical practice and in my personal life - I use the *Chasing the Pain* method of eft tapping which links the feelings in my body with my emotions so I experience the connections daily as I tap away the stress of being the target of a rager or knowing I will have to deal with police or whatever awaits at home. But, even with all of that, I don't think I actually live enough in my body (if that makes sense).

Part of the reason is that I spend most of my time interacting with others in a setting that makes them the focus. My clients need me to be totally focused & connected with them, alert to all of their body signals and verbal cues and their basic communications. My children need me to be totally focused in the same way because, as I said,  I live with ragers and other behavior disorders: and, those who are more emotionally stable and those who are grown are still my children, and they rightfully expect to be the center of my universe in all contexts. That leaves precious little time in the day for me to contemplate the feeling of the blood flowing in my arms, or the energy in my hands, or to experience the beat of my heart.

When I decided to start to really get into my physical being. I thought of doing yoga again as I recommend that to many clients, but, to be honest, I hate yoga. It bores me to tears. While I'm doing the poses all I can ever think of is that I am going to die of cognitive inertia.  Looking around at other choices, I decided to find something that was meditative because I use meditation daily to heal my stressed neurons. There's a gazillion weight loss meditations out there and they all make incredible promises. I finally chose one that a friend of mine is using and is dropping pounds weekly. It wasn't that I see this as a magic pill, but I think the process must have some merit since it's having such a drastic impact on her. (I don't have any affiliation with this guy or this company and don't receive any kickbacks, and I will be blogging about my success or failure with this).

So far I've really enjoyed it. My only problem is that there is a night time one and I can't stay awake long enough to listen to the end. I fall asleep with ear buds in my ear. I hope that there is a subliminal effect!  haven't noticed any change in my eating but neurons don't change overnight (except under extreme duress) but I like the trips he takes me on inside my physical being so I'm happy to continue at the moment.

Well, if you are on a weight/stress reduction journey, I wish you the best. I'd love to hear what you are doing.

Remember, you are entitled to a better day!
And, don't forget to check out my Youtube videos on stress management for Hazardous Parents as well as my Hazardous Parenting facebook stress management page.

Here's a  lower cal, tasty lunch recipe that I love.

Sandwich

Two slices of pumpernickel bread (great for diabetics)
Thick slices of tomato
Thin slices of avacado
Vegan mayonnaise
A couple of leaves of spinach
Put it all together and it makes a great lunch, especially if you are like me and have to eat at your desk.

Pounds aren't dropping off...or sliding off...or melting away....or......

Day  27

Still no sign of weight loss. I believe that I have to do this slowly so that my eating habits and my stress management skills are permanently changed for the better. At least I think I  believe that. Okay, what I really want is for my eating and stress skills to change, but I want the weight to come off NOW. Not a stupid pound a week. At that rate, and with my current weight and age, I'll be dead from old age before there is a noticeable difference.

I know that part of the problem is lack of exercise - I garden and I do housework, but I'm no longer on an acreage so the gardening is just weeding and flower stuff and a few vegetables, not the hours of real digging and hard work I used to have to do. And the housework, while endless, is tedious and takes every evening, but it's with all the modern conveniences. Pushing a mop around the floor isn't going to compensate for the lack of a real workout. I could dance around while I mop - but after a full day of work and and an evening of parenting, there isn't much dance left in me. So, till I find a bathing suit I'm willing to wear to the public pool, I guess it's time to get to the gym. I still hate that, but then I might hate being dead and I sure hate being fat, so it's the lesser of all my hates at the moment.

Stress is another matter. I live with ragers, and my wonderful mom is suffering intensely with Alzheimers. I manage the impact the ragers have on me, but its very, very hard to detach or move away from the grief when I know my mom is trapped in a body that hurts her and a mind that is frozen in anxiety. I don't have any stress management for the deep sorrow that puts in me so the glucose from that will keep transforming to belly fat at the speed of lightening.

So, don't forget to check out my Hazardous Parenting facebook page for some stress management skills, and hop on over to Youtube and look under my name for more stress management using eft tapping and meditation.

Remember, you are entitled to a better day! 

Hey, here's a great recipe. (I'm sort of vegetarian in that if I have a choice I don't eat meat, but if I'm at someone's home for dinner and they serve meat I will eat it). I love this recipe - tasty, fast, and healthy.

White Beans, Spinach & Tomatoes over Parmesan Toasts

From EatingWell:  The EatingWell Healthy in a Hurry Cookbook (2006)

Makes: 4 servings

Active Time: 25 minutes

Total Time: 25 minutes

NUTRITION PROFILE

Diabetes appropriate | Low calorie | Low cholesterol | Low saturated fat | Heart healthy| Healthy weight | High calcium | High fiber |

»

INGREDIENTS

• 4 thick slices country-style whole-wheat bread
• 1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
• 4 medium plum tomatoes, chopped
• 1 15-ounce can white beans, rinsed
• 1 10-ounce bag baby spinach
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup vegetable broth
• 1/4 cup sliced fresh basil, or 2 tablespoons prepared pesto

• 
  

PREPARATION

1. Preheat oven to 450°F.
2. Top bread with Parmesan, place on a baking sheet and bake until the bread is crispy and the cheese is melted, 5 to 7 minutes.
3. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, 30 seconds to 1 minute. Stir in tomatoes and beans and cook, stirring often, until the tomatoes are beginning to soften and the beans are heated through, 2 to 4 minutes. Stir in spinach, pepper, salt and broth and cook, stirring constantly, until the spinach is just wilted, 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and stir in basil (or pesto). Spoon the bean-and-spinach mixture over the Parmesan toasts and serve hot.

TIPS & NOTES

• Make Ahead Tip: The spinach-and-bean mixture can be stored, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave.

Disincentives...

Day 21

You never think about the disincentives to weight loss - and since I'm still only down about half a chin dimple I'm not exactly in a position to worry - however, I was travelling yesterday and was filling the time between transits with the type of web surfing I never otherwise have time for. So, one of the things I decided to do was look up inspiring weight loss stories. Never hurts to see the success of others eh? Wrongo!

I managed to stumble on the success stories of people who ended up having major surgery to cut away all the loose and hangey skin that is left when you lose mega pounds. That doesn't happen to people who have reasonable amounts to lose - but it does to people like me who are obese and past the age where the skin and muscle have any natural bounce left in them. Truly, this is not inspiring. This is one of those things I never needed to know. Now, I look at my slightly reduced chin dimple to see if there are new wrinkles around it that signify even further sag to my aging face.

I also checked to see if exercise helps at all, but couldn't find anything definitive on that one. I haven't been exercising anyway, other than some walking, but the fear level on this might spur me on!

I happened to see an old picture of myself - when I was about 19. I was very fit, healthy, active, pretty -  and that was no incentive either because when I emerge from this cocoon of fat, it will not be with my 19 year old body - it will still be my age - and that, friends, is no incentive at all!

Well, off to the office now. I think I'll take a few extra trips up and down the stairs to my office today, just to try to firm those leg muscles - any little bit of hope that I won't need to have my saggy skin cut off is worth it.

Hey there = you have your best day possible. I will too. 

This takes too long...

Day 14

I had intended to post more frequently than I have been able to do. Life just doesn't allot me enough hours in the day to get everything done. I'm sure your life is the same. 

So, here I am - two weeks into this, and I feel like I should be dozens of pounds lighter. Slow and sensible weight loss is a total pain. I've never been one for delayed gratification - I guess I wouldn't have so much of a weight issue if I was okay with that. But truly, the real challenge with weight loss is that there isn't any sign of it for so long. I'm aiming for a pound a week - at my weight that's hardly a dent in my chin dimple for the next few weeks. As well, I've chosen not to weigh myself because I know that's a set up for disaster for me.

This all means that I have to wait till my clothes are looser and I have to buy a smaller size. That could be months from now. Ohhh, what a pain. Still, I'm determined to succeed so I'll keep at it, but I feel like I should be awarded some "good girl" prize!

I've been doing okay on my calorie intake - I've been at the high end of where I want to be but still within goal on a daily basis. My challenge right now is my activity level, sure not doing enough. Again, lack of time. I sincerely want to get to the gym but some of the needs/demands of my adult children are eating up the time in which I'm not at work & of course there are still the younger children who need parenting and....and....and....

I know many would say that is just an excuse, but those of us who raised kids with extreme challenges know that the active part of parenting doesn't stop when they move out or attain some form of independence. They still have high needs that only we parents can meet, and, with one or two in crisis now they are taking up my time.

I'm not going to beat myself up or feel defeated. I will persevere, that's the one thing that all Hazardous Parents do so well - we persevere no matter what obstacles are presented. We just keep going.

Here's some interesting info on the relationship between blood sugar and stress - chronic stress can alter blood sugar levels which causes mood swings, fatigue, and hyperglycemia. Many of us also end up with metabolic syndrome which is an open door to Type 2 diabetes. Well, I got the metabolic syndrome and eventually the Type 2 diabetes - it runs in my family, even my skinny cousin has it, but the stress over the last few years sure didn't help.

Okay, back to work, back to counting my calories for the day, and back to finding some way to at least take a walk.

Chat later.

By the way, don't forget to check out the Hazardous Parenting facebook page, and, you can look me up on Youtube - I'm putting up a bunch of videos (4 so far, intending on 100) that have to do with stress management. I truly believe that if I'd managed my stress over the last few years I wouldn't need to do a weight loss blog now - instead, I could do a blog that was all about bragging about my magnificent body and super health. True, I wouldn't have bragged about that (at least not publicly), but I would have preferred to be in a position where I could help people by my positive example instead of my failure. Ah well, that's the way it goes in the Hazardous Parenting lane.